October 08, 2006

FM Formula 2.0

‘Till sometime, we had to be content with Radio Mirchi and Suriyan FM doling out “Oru maalai”, “Manjal Veyyil”, and “Namma kaatula” at least 3 times a day. Now 3 more have got added – Big FM, BBC + someone else JV FM and Radio City, which means we get to hear the same songs atleast more times in a day. Oh gosh! My life has been touched upon benevolently by the angels of entertainment media….

That’s exactly the outcome of these FM channels. No real difference in the content, no big difference in the presentation format.

Same dial-in :

“hello sollunga…unga radio volume konjam kammi pannuga” (Eng: hello, speak…reduce your radio volume)

“ethanai pasanga” – for elderly sounding people (Eng: how many kids?)

“enna padikireenga?” – for younger voices (Eng: what are you studying?)

“innikki enna samayal?” (Eng: what has been cooked today?) – wonder why they want to know?

“yaarukku intha paattu dedicate panreenga?” (Eng: whom do you want to dedicate this song to?)

And then the caller will basically pick his/her telephone book and start reading out the names.

A little variation to this dial-in is the caller’s entire family or friends circle will say “hello, very happy to have got through to the call”

Today FM Channel is like the archaic formula-based Tamil Masala Movie (5-songs, 2 fights, 1-dance and a Dhadha)…

Evolving a formula to help future FM Channels :

  1. throw in a few dial-ins, some really stale jokes,
  2. must have a signature line for the channel name like “sema hottu machi”, “aadalam paadalaam odalaam”
  3. a standard signature tune, announce again and again the name of the FM Channel – as if it matters
  4. choose a frequency like some2/3digit number point some 1-digit number
  5. RJ guys have to necessarily talk in Madras Bashai, act completely stupid. However, if you are presenting a prog in the late night, you should talk absolutely slow and as much as possible in “thoo….ya tamil”, and play the standard “Mike Mohan” songs, along with worses…sorry…verses composed by breaking a sentence (mavanay, unnai maathiri aalukku death sentence kodukkanumda…)
  6. RJ Girls should speak Tamil in the ratio of 5:1 – 1 Tamil word for every 5 English words, should have an artificial elevated enthusiasm in the voice, get excited for every word uttered by the caller, and of course, must ask irrelevant questions to callers in a dial-in program.
  7. traffic updates(like at 9am announcing, it is crowded near Kathipara – well, what else did one expect), weather updates
  8. run only mostly latest songs – doesn’t matter they sound good or bad
  9. home kurippugal (homemaker tips) like mix hot water and cold water to bring down temperature of the water, the RJ must definitely gush and say “haiyo…romba super”
  10. every one who has shown their face or any other part (like the actor who showed his hand, in left top corner of the screen with a monkey god makeup, who starred in the Ramayan serial) will participate in special “Live show” (now now…don’t get ideas…this is after all an audio medium)
  11. for every 15 mins, stalwarts of Tamil filmdo(o)m like Jeyam Ravi, Silambarasan, Jeeva, Devyani, Namitha (hee hee hee) will have to say “neengal kettu kuttichuvarai poikondiruppathu”…oops…I meant ”neengal kaettu kondiruppathu <fmchannelname><fmchannelfrequencynumber><fmchanneltagline>” (Eng: you are listening to…..)
  12. SMS based voting competition

There you have a FM Radio 2.0 formula! Have fun, go start a new channel.

PS: I have always wondered why is Suriyan FM is popular than other FM channels (proof: all Autos, Travels Cars and even few city Buses), even though there is absolutely no difference in songs or programmes. When I started traveling from MCity to MCity, and started using a FM radio for company, I knew what makes Suriyan FM tick! This is the only FM Channel that comes without any intermittent noise even at MCity.

Maarana, kokka?

No comments: